What is human energy. Its who we are, its everything we see and of course everything we don’t see but can feel. There are a few important aspects in relation to energy, its perpetual existence and how it interacts with us and our awareness to it.
Energy is harnessed to create the world we live in, through the development of science we have defined and understood many different forms of energy which now power our world. Energy takes many different forms. Our basic kinetic level of function, picking up and moving physical items, to the motor functions of the body. Other forms of energy include mechanical, heat, light, electrical, electromagnetic, and nuclear. These forms of energy can be fully measured. Like the electricity which comes into our homes and powers our appliances. We pay for the amount we use. The creation of nuclear energy or the small explosions happening in a combustion engine. It is taking energy in one form and manipulating it to become another. We are not creating energy we are alchemising matter or frequency to change it from one form to another.
What is Human Energy
When we talk of psychic energy, we are raising our energetic vibration to harmonise with another vibration thus been able to decode information. We are using energy in the same way electrical energy comes down the cable in the TV, creating a picture which appears on the screen. To define the picture, a signal or wave form energy are picked up by the arial or satellite dish and transformed by the electronics in the TV to read the energy waves changing them into pictures which are shown through 1000’s of pixels on our screens.
We have incredible tools within our bodies to translate energy from one form to another. Our ears translate sound waves into electrical impulses which our brains turn into words. Every system in our body is used to translate energy. Our endocrine system, which is closely linked to our chakras is a receptor and transmitter of energy. Our DNA is a transmitter and receiver for information. Our world is made up of different forms of energy that take different forms depending on the interaction. The old question, “If a tree falls in the forest and no one is there to hear it, does it make a sound?” Well, the simple answer is No, as there is no ear drum to translate the energy into sound. But the energetic properties around a tree falling still happen, the forces and changing of energy still take effect. If a deaf person were present, they wouldn’t hear the sound, but they would still be aware of the visual, the physical aspects and of course the emotional aspects of a tree falling.
Another nice representation of energy repercussive effect is throwing a pebble into water, the ripples go off getting smaller and smaller, but they will never end.They will become so small we couldn’t possibly register them but as with the nature of infinity they will always be a ripple from one point to another.
Photography is another good example of energy changing form. In 1939 Semyon Kirlian discovered that passing a high voltage between an electrode and object reviled the energy field around the object in a photograph. A photograph is taken and transfers energy onto a screen or plate which then becomes reflective of the energetic process its experienced. ‘Thoughtography’ as its sometimes called is when different energy states, thoughts or energy fields are captured on a photographic plate. This technique has evolved and today its used in auragraph photography. A person’s physical representation is captured but also their energy fields which are represented visually by colours around the physical form.
Energy is the building block on which everything happens. It’s the power held in a molecule, it’s the shifting from one place to another. The perpetual nature of cause and effect. We have the ability to tap into energy, we can pick up frequency from millions of miles away. Light is still travelling from stars and galaxy’s which exploded millions of years ago. Energy just changes form from one state to another. We can see it in the nature of our planet. The life cycles in mother nature, symbiotic relationships which have kept life thriving on this planet for hundreds and thousands of years.
As mediums we can pick up energy from people living in different times and ages, we see ghosts from different civilisations. It is all energy changing form. Trance is used to pick up information from beings from different worlds operating with the same energy, only using it in different ways. Science says that the universe is expanding, this is perfectly rational as every living being is constantly emanating energy.
As living beings, we all have an aura. An energy field that extends outside of our physical body. What is the aura? There are a few important factors to consider when discussing the auric field. Someone who is new to mediumship will already have worked with their aura and the aura of others in a different capacity and will understand it through different terminology.
What is the Aura?
What is the aura? When discussing the aura with a someone new to energy I will often try to relate the information to something within their lives that they can understand. A good starting point is drawing their attention to times they have entered a room as felt a certain way. The energy of a room or place is a good way for people to start to become aware of energy.
We can move on to discuss people, how people can make you feel a certain way. Uplifted or drained for example, some people are very much in control of their energy and how it affects others. If used in the right way these people are generally a pleasure to be around and can leave you feeling uplifted and inspired. Others can drain your energy and leave you feeling down or drained. It’s also worth noting that this sometimes happens subconsciously, and the individual is not aware of their auric field.
The basics of the aura and auric field. Surrounding the physical body are many energy fields. There are many interpretations but in a basic sense working out from the physical self.
We can go a little further in a practical sense. Feeling the energy of others on a one-to-one basis and understanding how that makes you feel. This can be classed as psychic connection, or body to body and mind to mind of another living person. Once you have a feeling, relating that feeling back to yourself as a colour. This is a nice development technique to start understanding energy and emotion as colour or the other way around, colour as energy and emotion. We can then shift our focus to others and pick up the same feeling and emotion, relating that to colour. That colour should appear somewhere is the other persons aura. This is a very simplified approach to understanding the aura and colour but also a very involved technique which can open up development and awareness.
Another way to understanding the aura is looking at the persons likes and interests. I love gardening, green for example could appear in their aura. I have a passion for healing, yellow could appear in their aura. It’s worth remembering that the aura is a fluid as your feelings, it is constantly changing and moving. This way of looking at the aura is a gentle way to open up the awareness of someone looking into auras for the first time.
I would also mention about cameras which can capture auras. If a photo was taken of the person, they could start to understand their own aura, what colours are present and how they relate to themselves. An auragraph is another way to open awareness and access information.
When taking to people who are new to energy or just looking into the aura and auric field, I feel a better approach is through feeling and experience. Recognising what is your feeling of the different aspects of your own auric field and how that differs when you connect to another person. We can explain the mechanics and different energy fields outside the body, but I have always found the best way to learn and understand is through practical experience.
Who am I? What is the nature of the world around me? I know I am more than the image I see looking back at me in the mirror each morning, just as we all are. I know the world is more wonderous than I can possibly imagine. The a week at the Arthur Findlay College has given me the opportunity to explore these questions over the last twenty years.
I have an inquisitive nature and always felt there was more to life and our existence than what I experienced though just my five senses. I recently spent another week at the Arthur Findlay College on a course titled ‘Energy Management and Mediumship’. It is fundamental to understand your own energy and power, to experience energy or frequency within others and the world we live in.
We feel different things around different people, some make us so happy, excited and we feel lifted in their presence. Others can leave us feeling drained. Either way, it is not the fault of the other person but only how we react to their energy. The course went in-depth to help better understand our own energy and becoming more aware of how you use it.
As an artist I spent a lot of time painting. Tapping into the world and people with creativity, understanding what I feel about subjects and capturing that energy on canvas. Another part of my work is on the platform in Spiritualist Churches, delivering addresses and demonstrations of mediumship. The basis of it all is to better understand yourself. Defining your own energy allows you to become more aware of the different energies around you. Through shifting focus a medium can give messages from loved ones in the spirit world. It is the same for art, the artist is creating art from their own source and reacting to the world they see.
A week at the Arthur Findlay College
Whatever you choose to do in life, understanding our own energy is of the utmost importance. This knowledge is priceless. Once we know how we feel (which changes daily) and our own energetic space, it makes a huge difference in how we react to other people and situations we find ourselves in.
We realise what are our own feelings and what we are picking up from other people.
It is possible for us to change our energy to create stronger connections.
We can better gauge the atmosphere of places and groups of people.
Creative freedom to flow more freely through us.
Our confidence increases in seemingly uncomfortable situations.
We can experience feelings and emotions more deeply.
When working with the spirit world, we shift our focus creating a wider channel to pick up information from different energies around us. A question that is often asked is, “Is it me or is it spirit? “. Knowing what you feel, putting yourself in a space you feel comfortable and neutral allows information from spirit to flow more freely.
Losing yourself in a painting is wonderful. Evoking a flow state when time seems to disappear and inspiration hits is where most artists thrive and wish to be. Allowing feeling and emotions to flow through you without getting entangled in them is when true creativity occurs.
Whichever way you choose to develop and whatever your focus, I can certainly say that life is an incredible ride. For me, time spent at the Arthur Findlay College mixing with likeminded people has really helped me understand more about the nature of our existence and given me a group of friends who are asking the exact same questions as me. I wish you a wonderful journey and constant learning from this moment forward.
Simple mindfulness practices for daily life – Life can be extremely hectic, everything around us is designed to distract and keep us busy. Take some time for yourself whenever you have the opportunity, time spent relaxing or looking at your own personal development is never wasted.
The more you can feel comfortable with yourself and in your own skin, the better you will be able to interact and appreciate the world around you. Here are a few ideas of mindful techniques and beneficial ways to spend your time.
Simple mindfulness practices for daily life
Focus on your breath: Sit for a few minutes each day to focus solely on your breath, become aware of your natural rhythm. Any thoughts that come into your mind, let them pass through and refocus to your breath.
Offer gratitude: At the end of each day or first thing in the morning, write down what you’re grateful for. Focus on the positive aspects of within your life and how you help others.
Mindful munching: Become aware of the foods you are putting into your body, make sure you have a balanced diet. Follow your cravings within reason. Sometimes it’s your body telling you what it needs. Take time to enjoy each mouthful, notice the flavours, textures, and colours.
Meditation: Sometimes meditation can be daunting, if you become mindful of your breath meditation is just sitting within yourself. Raise your awareness of the different aspects of yourself, acknowledge your thoughts and allow them to pass through your mind.
Yoga or stretching: If you can find 10 minutes each day to stretch or attend a yoga class, moving your body and stretching your muscles can help to help reduce stress, improve flexibility, and increase awareness of your body.
Likeminded people: Find your tribe, spend time each week with likeminded people. When in discussion allow the conversation to flow, listen carefully and speak freely. Know that you are in a safe space with no judgement.
Walk in nature: Enjoy your local environment, parks, forests, fields, or beach. Whatever you have locally. Take time to breath the fresh air, feel the freshness on your face, listen, look, smell, and absorb your surroundings.
Unplug from the matrix: Switch off technology whenever you can. It plays a huge roll in our lives. Try to start the first hour of the day without social media, put down your device an hour before bed. You will have more time to process your own thoughts.
Self-awareness: Take the time to look in the mirror and reflect on yourself. Really look, smile, and appreciate all that you are. Treat yourself like someone you love.
Spiritual development: Attend courses and workshops with spiritual practitioners and teachers. Look at advancing your knowledge and skills in a safe and secure environment.
Art and Creativity: Step into the artist within you, working with your natural creativity can help you to take a different perspective on what you feel and whats coming up within your system
“The present moment is filled with joy and happiness. If you are attentive, you will see it.” Thich Nhat Hanh, Peace Is Every Step: The Path of Mindfulness in Everyday Life
Simple mindfulness practices for daily life. I hope you find some of these ideas useful. The more we can relax and explore our true nature, the more we will get from every aspect of life.
A slow recovery from Bacterial Meningitis. I shuffled around my home everything looked the same but slightly different. It felt surreal, the space was the same, but my viewpoint and understanding had shifted. It was me that was different, almost like looking at a well-known painting upside down, I knew what it was, it was familiar, but I could see new shapes. A perspective that I had not realised before.
“Back at home and I have been administering my own intravenous antibiotics for the last couple of weeks. A visit to the hospital and CT scan revealed that the mass on my brain is now 6mm which is down from 1.3cm. I am covid free and the infection level in my system is down to single digits. The doctor is pleased with my progress. I’ve had my midline removed and feel far more human again.
Physically, my strength is returning. Although I still get headaches, they are manageable and I’m starting to work on my mind, focus and memory. Keeping positive and striving for a full recovery!
A big thank you to Ruth for looking after me every day. Thank you to everyone who has sent me love and healing over the last 6 weeks, it’s definitely made a difference. I am forever in your debt”
The healing process, what had happened to me?
Six weeks since I was admitted to hospital with no immune system, bacterial meningitis and a 1.3cm abscess on the right side of my brain. My body had been physically destroyed. Since then, it worked incredibly hard. Identified the inflection and abscess and unleashed its defence mechanisms targeting the foreign bodies reinforced by antibiotics, steroids and painkillers. It also started to rebuild my immune system.
“To the NHS I offer my eternal thanks for their brilliant service and keeping me alive. If it wasn’t for the paramedics and doctor’s diagnosis and the nurses care and treatment, I am pretty sure I would no longer be here.”
Another important role I believe was played by my friends and loved ones. Their thoughts, energy and love. Many friends and colleagues are spiritual practitioners working with healing, energy, and mediumship. They had been sending love and healing on a regular basis. I had time to think about how this had helped, the energy of positive thought and the spirit world, working alongside my medical treatment. I truly believe it helped to put me at ease, reduce the pain and made a difference.
When I look at what could have happened, my chances of survival and the sequence of events, I surely believe that I am blessed. I am incredibly lucky to still be here and to be recovering.
I believe there are a few considerations to my recovery
Always listen to the doctors and follow their advice and course of treatment.
To receive openly the love, support, compassion, and healing from others.
Letting go of all stress and any bad will towards others.
Understanding what’s happening with your energy, wellbeing, and emotional state.
Recovery from Bacterial Meningitis: Continuing to heal after hospital
The doctor was pleased, I was making good progress. The antibiotics had done their job, physically I was getting stronger. I could walk around the block without getting out of breath.
Mentally, I was not myself. I didn’t feel as quick as before or on the ball. Still healing but my mind felt different, my body was different too. It all felt a little unreal. I had symptoms that the doctor said would disappear over time and I was expected to make a full recovery.
I still got headaches and sharp pains in and around my head.
My focus was not the same as before, my mind would wander off thinking about nothing.
My memory was not great, things would leave my mind right after a conversation.
I searched for words and struggled to find a decent vocabulary.
My balance was not quote right, especially with change of light or elevation.
I was creativity drained. I had very little enthusiasm for anything.
I just didn’t feel myself anymore, of course it was completely understandable as I had been seriously ill. The doctors had fixed me so I would live, they had done their job. My family, friends and colleagues showed me how much they cared, for which I felt incredibly humble. Now it was my turn to heal myself the rest of the way, it was my responsibility.
Firstly, I knew from experience that I wasn’t aiming to become the person I used to be. That person had gone. I had an opportunity to become a new and (hopefully) improved version. This whole experience had many valuable lessons to teach me but right now I had no idea what any of them were.
I truly believed that understanding personal and other people’s energy, knowledge of chakras and the importance of meditation comes to the forefront. These were areas I had studied, and I knew I needed to use for the next stage of my recovery.
Reflection & Insight
I was never the best meditator, I always had too much to do, or my mind wanted to create something new. Though art and short daily practices I found my quiet space. I had not created any art in nearly two months, I found it scary to sit in front of my easel again. A blank canvas scared me, which never had before.
I had just finished reading a book by Caroline Myss, it inspired and seem to come at the right time. I recorded my own guided daily meditation, only fourteen minutes but would start to move my mind into the right space each morning.
I was unable to work and had to turn down jobs, I couldn’t worry about it now. For the first time in a long time, I had a clear schedule, my only focus was on healing. Maybe this focus of healing and self-care should have happened a while ago.
With time to think, even if I’m not always thinking clearly. I still had time to consider some important questions.
Why has this happened to me?
What can I learn from this?
Why has this happened? Possibly to remove the “should haves” A coincidence of events that points to serendipity, something significant to stand up and take note. Is there are grand plan? This is not at all relevant and some questions are for another time, but the “should haves” that I have been dealing with for a while. After passing 40 years old, my body doesn’t repair at the same rate or react as quickly. If I want it to do another 40 years, I need to make time to look after it, look after me like someone I love and respect.
I have certainly had time to look back at what I have been doing, how I spent my time. I have the opportunity to remove the things that no longer matter and reducing the amount of “should haves”.
Mental Health and Wellbeing – The road to recovery can sometimes be longer than you think. It can be frustrating, especially when an injury cannot be seen, but only felt or experienced. It is down to the individual to interpret what’s happening physically, psychologically, and spiritually. Issues with mental health and personal happiness can often be overlooked by others and health care professionals.
Contemplation of death or more importantly contemplation of life. Following an extremely close call with Bacterial Meningitis I am incredibly lucky to be alive.
At the age of forty-four I now understand three things that I really wish I had understood at the beginning. If I was told that it was my choice to be born and my responsibly extended far beyond my behaviour and my family, I might have been able to fully grasp the consequences of my actions and life choices. Not that I regret anything in my life, but I may have chosen to do things with more focus, love, and precision.
You get one body – respect it and look after it
You are here to learn – embrace every experience in front of you
Humanity needs you – work for the good of society and our planet
For others, they consider the physical condition. I look well, I’m moving about and can hold a conversation. I must be back to the person I was before my illness. Friends and family speak to me as if I was the same person as before my experience. Unfortunately, this is not the case. I have certainly changed, and I truly believe these experiences in life happen for a reason. In time I will become a stronger with greater understanding than I had before.
People don’t see the effort it takes to smile, hold a conversation and everything that goes on behind the facade. My head becomes overloaded, I am unable to focus, I struggle to find the right words and can forget things that happened a moment ago or some of the great memories from my past. Simple pleasures are now more difficult and not so enjoyable. I feel emotion in an extremely heightened way. I become overwhelmed easily which makes me want to avoid large groups, noisy environments and anywhere I feel a build-up of unstable or frantic energy.
Time is relative, I will recover and go through things in my own time. Each aspect of life whether it be material or philosophical I now see through different eyes. In my core I am the same, holding the same beliefs and moral compass but the world around me is more intense, more beautiful, and unique.
Issues surrounding mental health and Wellbeing
Confidence and belief in oneself.
Mood swings and controlling emotion.
Little things become big things.
Frustration with people around me but especially myself.
Each experience we have in life changes us ever so slightly. Normally we are robust enough that we do not register the change, or it takes a long time to process through our system and realisations cascade through our body and conscious mind over months or years. A life-threatening illness takes you back to square one and overloads an already fragile mind and body all at once. This can be difficult to handle.
Mental Health & Art
There are so many benefits to allowing space for creativity. It has been proven to make a huge difference to mental health and wellbeing. Although not everyone is creative, allowing freedom of mind is incredibly important. I have painted for many years and know that approaching a blank canvas without a clear direction can be a very scary prospect.
In essence this is what we are doing in life. Without goal and vision, we will never have purpose and feel a sense of achievement working towards a goal. The ironic part is that for creativity to thrive and our mind to process we must approach a blank canvas with complete freedom of mind. Without purpose and expectation, but most importantly without judgement.
Even for the most accomplished and creative artist this can be an incredible challenge. Everyone has created a toolkit of beliefs and skills they use to create their image. This can be difficult to break. That is why many artists paintings are instantly recognisable, they have used their tool kits which is comfortable and does not challenge their expectation or ego.
Allow yourself the freedom of expression and complete honesty to yourself without judgment or ego. You may find it an incredibly rewarding experience.
Healing through creativity – I have always had a love for painting, my father, a professional artist, encouraged me to draw and paint since I was a child. I love the arts and how different artists see the world. Through art, the imagination knows no bounds.
Before the pandemic, I was introduced to Hester Ligtvoet, we had briefly met a year or so earlier at the Arthur Findlay College. She is a professional pianist, healer, and energy coach. We were interested in how art and music can be combined with spiritual and energy healing. Working together on a weekly basis, Hester played the piano while I produced charcoal or pastel drawings. We worked with energy and the spirit world to create something focused, healing and unique.
Healing Through Creativity
We developed a healing session which brough together a music meditation along with a piece of art. An interesting concept, with weekly development we found that we were perfectly in tune with each other. My hand moving around the paper, perfectly in time with Hester’s inspired notes. We both felt we were led by the spirit world for the good of the individual or intension of our focus. We had both done a lot of development over the years but still were completely shocked how our energy came together and it felt very natural.
I had not wanted to paint or draw since I got ill, I think it was due to the abscess developing on the righthand side of my brain which fed my creativity, and I was left-handed. I hoped I just had to wait. Nearly two months after I was first admitted to hospital I went down to the studio and picked up my paint brushes. I did it with the same intent as I had with Hester, only now the focus was my own healing. Physically, the reduction of the abscess. Mentally, to retrain my focus and my memory. Energetically, to build my energy, realign my chakras and repair my energy fields.
I found it an incredibly interesting process, there was no timeframe and I allowed myself to drift. Each colour and brush stoke was making a different. I tried not to pull anything from my imagination but to go deeper than that. At times I felt like a mechanic covered in oil repairing a huge machine, other times floating and blowing clouds to create various formations and symbols. The art as it had done for many years allowed me to look deeper into the subject matter, I had been a traditional artist in many ways, landscapes, and portraits. Each painting had a purpose, to capture the view or the person in front of me. Of course, all art reflects the artist, but this time there was no subject matter in front of me, my healing was the purpose, and I was the reflection.
For people looking to art to find out more about the healing process I can wholeheartedly say that for me I believe it’s made a difference. Art has always been my creative outlet, allowing me to process my own thoughts. It feels comfortable to draw and to paint without expectation (what I mean by this is to remove all notions of this must be good or thoughts, I am rubbish, a child could do better.) For healing, it is not the final product, but the colours and brush strokes along the way. The act of painting or wherever you choose to engage with your creativity is where the biggest differences can be made. Where the greatest self-healing can take place.
Positive Energy & the Power of Thought
I have always considered myself an optimist, even if it’s just a sprinkling on top of a lifetime of societies negative conditioning. I do try to see the learning opportunity and best possible outcome in most situations.
As I have gotten older, I have learnt more about the power of thought. There is a whole science behind it, like attracts like and the power of visualisation and will. I have experience of how this has worked for me. In my book Chasing Rainbows – The Stolen Future of Caroline Ann Stuttle, I talk about living and working in the mountains and meeting likeminded people who have all naturally gravitated together. The same when I was backpacking around Australia, I met people who had the same enthusiasm for travel and who shared the same lust for life. Where it gets interesting is, for example, out of ten people I met, there would be six who shared multiple interests and similar mindsets. Out of those six, maybe two would share a stronger connection.
At first, I didn’t know why or how this manifested, but through years of learning about energy I could feel the levels of connection, shared vibrations in body, mind and soul. These connections are real, only through experience can we understand how we are affected by people, places and situations.
I am using this understanding to help my healing, my body although healed from a medical point of view I feel incredibly sensitive on every other level. I experience everything on a far deeper level, this manifests physically as every sensation or pain has meaning.
2021 ended on a real positive note, there were still things with family and friends to cause concern, but I had completed a few projects with very positive results.
The latest work for our charity had the potential to create something new and exciting. My book for Caroline: Chasing Rainbows – The Stolen Future of Caroline Ann Stuttlewas published in May and had some great reviews. We had filmed for “The Real Death in Paradise”, a Sky documentary, which was airing in February. The Virtual Reality project was developing better than expected. It was our 20thanniversary in April, and I thought Caroline would be proud of what we have achieved.
I had finally been able to make time to paint and develop my art again. I’d completed a mentorship programme and was enjoying my healing course. These had brought a lot of different strands of my work together, my creativity through art and writing, philosophy, beliefs, and life experience.
I had survived Covid and although we had to cancel our holiday, we had managed to reschedule. It was only a few weeks away now! We were looking forward to getting away, like most people it had been a couple of years since we had left the country.
Suspected Bacterial Meningitis
Not the start to 2022 I was expecting. I had not been feeling well or on top form for a while. I thought I was just run down, a cold, and now with the new Omicron variant, I thought that I had probably caught that. I had a headache, it got worse over a couple of days. On the 6th of January, my girlfriend came home from work to find me in bed, curled up in a ball, head under the covers groaning in pain. It was nothing like anything I had experienced before. The pain was unbearable. The paramedics arrived, I was given morphine, and was rushed by ambulance to hospital with a potential diagnosis of Bacterial Meningitis.
If my girlfriend hadn’t acted so quickly, it might have been a very different story. I am incredibly lucky to be alive. I was put in isolation on Lilac Ward in Scarborough Hospital. The next few days were a complete blur, I was hazy with intravenous morphine, steroids and other medication. I had a Lombard puncture, CT scan and an MRI. The nurses were all exceptional and looked after me with the greatest of care. One thing I will always remember from that blurry time was the compassion and kindness they all showed me.
One afternoon, I was not sure what day it was or how many days I had been in hospital. A doctor came into my room “You have bacterial meningitis and a 1.3cm abscess on the right side of your brain. We are speaking with the consultants over at Hull Hospital, and you might be taken there tomorrow for brain surgery.”
I was left in shock, still in pain and hazy I had a terrifying evening and night. Everything and nothing running through my mind. I would tell my loved ones in the morning. It was the first time I had really contemplated my own mortality. Even with everything that had happened with my sister Caroline. I knew the human body in many ways could be so fragile, there was still a part of me that was 19 and thought of myself as immortal.
I thought back over my life, we had experienced tragedy and it had not always been easy, but I have done many incredible things. I had travelled, lived and worked in many different countries. Spent summers on beaches and winters in the mountains. Followed many of my dreams and explored my passions. 44 years was over twice as much time as my sister was given in this world. If now was my time, I had experienced life, but no way was I ready to go anywhere. Even with everything I had done a felt like I hadn’t even started, I had so much more to do!
Even with a belief in the afterlife, I was terrified, I didn’t want to go yet. I knew I would see my sister again, be able to catch up with my grandparents and get a different understanding of what this world was all about. With all that said, I had become incredibly attached to my mortal body. I thought of my family, my loved ones. They couldn’t take another loss. My sister and me both in the afterlife would be too much for them to bare. There was so much left unsaid.
The following day I wasn’t taken to Hull. The neurologist thought it best to try to reduce the abscess through medication. It was a case of weighing up the risk, brain surgery could ultimately cause more damage and would only be a last resort.
I spent two weeks in hospital. The first week I drifted through various degrees of pain mainly in my head but throughout my body as it became weaker because all my energy was directed towards fighting the infection. I was in a drug induced haze and couldn’t differentiate from what was a dream and what was happening. I couldn’t take noise, light or to think about anything with an emotional connection. It seems to cause pain. I slept only to be woken every 4 hours for temperature and blood pressure checks, blood tests, medication, and doctors’ visits. Now I get flashes of that week, but nothing is clear, I have no idea what thoughts were my own or came from somewhere else. I hope with time I will be able to gain some clarity.
The second week I became more lucid, I started to be able to think again if only for short periods. My mind was different, it felt slower, clouded. I felt like I was outside myself and sat looking at nothing for long periods. Food became important, I was on steroids and just wanted to eat everything. It was only towards the end of the second week when I talked to the specialists and began to realise the severity of what I had gone though. I really was lucky to still be here, the doctors and nurses were really worried about me for the first few days, they said it was touch and go.
After speaking with the OPAT team, I had a midline fitted and was trained on how to administer my own drugs intravenously. I was discharged, it was so good to be home. Everything felt surreal, like it was a dream. I couldn’t feel anything properly, everything looked slightly different even though it was home and completely familiar. Nevertheless it was good to be home.
People were worried, I had spoken to family and my girlfriend while in hospital but only briefly. I knew they were there for me. I felt I should let my friends know what was happening. I put a post out on social media.
“Not the start to 2022 I was expecting. On the 6th of January I was rushed by ambulance to hospital with Bacterial Meningitis. I am incredibly lucky to be alive.
After a really worrying 2 weeks in hospital. The scare of brain surgery, countless tests, drugs and painkillers I am on the mend. I still have a 1.3cm abscess on my brain. Today, I’m back home. Continuing with intravenous antibiotics for the next 4 weeks with the hope that the abscess will dissipate. I am of course positive, the eternal optimist and have begun my healing journey to recovery.
I must offer my eternal thanks to Ruth who called the ambulance and saved my life. The paramedics who rushed me to hospital, all the staff on Lilac Ward at Scarborough Hospital, without everyone’s love and care I would not be here. Thank you to everyone who has sent me positive thoughts and healing. It has definitely made a difference and means a great deal. Thank you and love you all.”
21st January 2022 and I didn’t feel great, had some painkillers and my intravenous antibiotics. My girlfriend came home after work and I was not in a good place, it felt like the 6th of January all over again. The pain got progressively worse. It became unbearable and an ambulance was called. In A&E I was given drugs and left in a darken room.
I was in pain. The painkillers were helping. I was scheduled for a Lombard Puncture, a doctor came and tried but it was unsuccessful. Another doctor was called. It was painful and I was terrified that I would become paralysed. Luckily the second attempt went well. Another CT scan and I was admitted. This time on the Ann Wright ward. The team were great and looked after me. The next morning, I felt better. CT scan results were positive, looked like the abscess had slightly reduced in size. My bloods showed an over production of white blood cells, my body was fighting hard. I felt completely battered and bruised in body, mind and soul but I was trying to stay positive.
Nothing happened over the weekend. I felt relaxed again and safe to be in the hospital. On the 24th of January I had my second MRI, the consultants were confident that we are heading the right direction. My bloods were showing that the infection was reducing, my body and vitals were strong.
26th January at two in the morning, the results came back from my last Covid test, I was positive. I was immediately moved down to Beech ward. I was now used to waking up and not feeling great but now I had Covid symptoms on top of it all.
I was not sleeping well and still getting woken for medication and observations periodically thought-out the day and night. Bloods taken daily and Covid tests I was sick of getting prodded and poked. I had been laid in bed now for a few weeks and could feel my body losing muscle. It was strange, I was getting stronger and healing but simultaneously my body was wasting away through not getting any regular exercise and fresh air.
With so many days in hospital I had plenty of time to think, my mind was clearing. I knew how incredibly lucky I was to still be here. I was re-evaluating everything, what I was doing, how I spent my time and what I still wanted to do in my life. With so much time to sit I considered my thoughts and what I spent my time thinking about. Was it all worth it? Is what I was I was thinking about worthy of my time? Was what I wanted to do in life really what I wanted to do?
30th January 2022
“Discharged. After 20 days in hospital, I am finally recovering at home. I feel incredibly lucky to still be here, as it was touch and go for a time. I would like to offer my eternal gratitude to the doctors and NHS staff who all looked after me to well.
Thank you from the bottom of my heart to everyone who has send me healing and wished me a speedy recovery. It is incredibly humbling to know how much I am loved and cared for. I certainly have a new perspective on life and what’s important.
I now continue my healing journey from home. The bacterial meningitis is responding well to intravenous antibiotics, the mass on my brain is showing signs of reduction and the symptoms of covid are minimal. I can feel myself getting a little stronger each day. Thank you all for your love, healing and support, it has given me hope each day and means the world. I truly believe that I would not be here otherwise, please accept my unconditional love now and always.”
The healing process starts at home. I was administering my own intravenous antibiotics and anti-seizure medication. For the first week back in my own bed, I just slept. I started to wake up and not feel completely drained and aching. My mind was still not fully clear. I had headaches, issues focusing, reading and trouble with memory and finding words. These would all come back with retraining and time.
Competing with angels – The natural world played a large role in my life growing up. Like many people of my generation Sir David Attenborough was one of my heroes. He always spoke with such passion and sensitivity about the natural world and the animal kingdom. I was glued to the TV whenever any of his programmes were on. He taught me that life for everyone on this planet was a battle, survival of the fittest. Every living thing completes a life cycle; birth, growth, reproduction, death and feeds back into the food chain. It’s a balancing act that’s taken hundreds of thousands of years to perfect. Our world is dependent on every living thing to thrive, no matter how large or small. I understood that life on this planet is hard, so why should it be any different for us? We just have different struggles, thankfully most are not life-threatening but that doesn’t necessarily make them any easier.
As humans, we are blessed with consciousness. There is something very powerful within us and our conscious mind; belief and our understanding of death sets us apart from all other species. Some people are willing to sacrifice everything for what they believe. It can even override our instinct for survival and self-preservation.
After Caroline was gone, I didn’t know what to believe. Was she now an angel? How could my life live up to what hers could have been?
I wondered if her soul was still around in some form or another. When I was around eight years old, another of my heroes was my Grandad. We had so many amazing times which I will always remember fondly. After he died, I was upset, but eventually asked the question.
“Mum, Dad, what happens when we die?”
I can’t remember word for word. We talked about life. Dad told me that minutes after I was born, he held me in his arms, to him I was an amazing new life. He thought, who is this little person? We all talked about growing up, becoming a teenager, an adult, eventually a parent and grandparent just like Grandma and Grandad. They explained when you die you go to another place, but you are still around looking over your family and friends. The conversation must have planted a seed in my mind.
Since Caroline’s death our family have talked a lot about life after death. I have had many experiences that I feel are far more than just coincidence. Dad told me a story from when Caroline was little.
‘Dad,’ she said.
‘Yes Caroline?’ he replied.
‘When I go to bed a man comes to visit me at night,’ she said, very relaxed.
‘OK, what does he want?’ Dad replied, surprised but calm. He knew the house was secure and no one could have gotten in. She could have been dreaming.
‘He just wants to chat, but the thing is Dad, I can see straight through him.’ ‘Right. No problem, next time he comes to see you tell him to come and see me,’ said Dad.
The next morning, ‘Dad, the man came again last night, and I told him to go and see you.’
‘OK, then what happened?’ Dad asked.
‘He came back and said you were asleep,’ Caroline replied.
‘Next time he comes to see you, ask him to go away so you can get some sleep,’ Dad said.
‘OK,’ Caroline said.
After that, she never mentioned the man again and slept well.
I became interested in life after death, what had happened to my sister? Where was she now? I believed that there was more than just our physical world, but didn’t know what. Over the years I have been able to study at The Arthur Findlay College. The college was left by Arthur Findlay following his death to further advance Spiritualism and the psychic sciences. It delves into the subject of life after death and the continuation of the human spirit.
I have always kept an open mind and over my life tried to listen very much to my intuition, the little voice inside me that knows what’s best for my well-being. I always tried to listen carefully and develop my sensitivity to the world around me.
My thoughts would go back to hearing the organ playing in the weeks after Caroline’s death and the significance we had placed in rainbows. I have been lucky enough to be around many world-class mediums and the information they have given has been incredibly accurate. It always made me wonder where the information came from?
Competing with Angels
Our belief in another existence has given us as a family a common bond to hold close. We like to think Caroline and our other loved ones are looking down on us, watching and guiding us in this world.
I believe as humans we are blessed with a soul. Our lifeforce is so strong, complex and well developed that I find it hard to believe that it only popped into existence when we were born and on death it just ends. It’s the essence of what makes us individual. I know there is something which allows us to connect with people on multiple levels, this is evident with all the people I have met throughout the years. We are able to connect through mind, body and soul.
I found comfort in the thought that Caroline is continuing her work in the next world and her energy still exists in some shape or form.
The way I understand our different worlds is through levels of vibration. Everything is vibrating at a different frequency from trees in the forest to the table we place our coffee cup on. I imagine an infinite number of guitar strings all tuned to a different note; to listen it’s a case of simply plucking the string and attuning to harmonise with that vibration. After death, our energy or soul departs our physical body returning to another frequency.
I believe Caroline’s soul has returned to become part of the vibrational energy of the universe (as we all are). I can attune into her frequency, feel her energy and know that she is still around.
Attending courses at the Arthur Findlay College, I have learnt about energy, healing, spirit art and mediumship. It opened up a whole new level of potential, looking deeper into ourselves as well as beyond our physical and materialistic worlds.
When I was working in the Alps, I had time and the opportunity to paint as well as complete various spiritual courses. Painting put me in an altered state and allowed me to look further into myself and areas of life that interested me. Expanding my mind was important, it’s a way I could explore and feel out of control that didn’t rely on anyone else.
One occasion shortly after Caroline’s death, I found myself in a situation with a group of people I had not met before and they didn’t know our story. They asked if I had any siblings, and for ease, I said ‘No’. Immediately I felt a pain inside and pull on my heart, it was as if she was shouting, I’m still here! I had just denied Caroline’s entire existence. I still think back now and cringe, I felt absolutely terrible. I have never done it again. I tried to understand why I said that; a part of me wanted to save them experiencing the pain of our story, another part didn’t want them to feel sorry for me. I have never wanted sympathy but that was no excuse in denying my sister’s life.
Seeing Caroline in the chapel of rest made me aware that it was Caroline’s essence or soul which made her who she was. That was the spark of life and it was no longer in her body.
I feel it’s important for us to consider our own evolution in order to understand our own spark of life. Appreciating the simple pleasures. Watching a beautiful sunset, taking an evening stroll along the beach or catching up with friends for dinner. These experiences can evoke feelings and emotions within us, I have always been curious why people like certain things more than others, why people fall in love.
A quote by one of Spiritualism’s great pioneers, Gordon Higginson, resonated strongly, ‘Before you can touch the Spirit, you must find it within yourself. For all truth, for all knowledge and all love, must be found first within oneself.’
Through better understanding our feelings and emotions we can enhance our awareness. We can experience more from the sunset or the stroll on the beach, we are able to forge deeper connections with the people around us.
I can liken this development to painting, for portraits and life drawing there are techniques to learn, ways to look at a subject that make the work more accurate and captures the feeling and essence of the person. Firstly, it’s about the physical form, facial features, tone and shadow. Next is to look under the skin, understanding bone structure, weight distribution and muscle definition. Once an artist has gained this knowledge, they can produce an accurate resemblance of the sitter, but there is more to it. An artist then needs to look not with their eyes but with their feelings and emotions, they need to capture the essence of the person. This is far more difficult and not a skill to master; it’s a knowing that needs to be understood in every brushstroke. Some painters just have the touch, they have that ability to capture the sitter’s true self on canvas. Looking at the works of the greatest portrait painters, they have captured far more than just the resemblance. Their paintings can evoke the same feelings as if you were actually interacting with the person they painted.
I have been asked many times, do I consider myself a religious man? My belief played a role in dealing with what we had been through. I have been interested different aspects of Spiritualism and other religions for many years and feel that the belief in more than just myself has given me a greater sense of peace. Socrates heard a voice in his head, a divine or guiding spirit who advised him throughout his life. Had he achieved some deeper understanding of life, or had he tapped into his intuition? Was it another part of himself in the spirit world communicating with him or was it God? We will never know the answer, but I believe that you have to be true to yourself, listen to the voice inside yourself which understands your divine path.
I am sure my ideas and beliefs will continue to change over time as they have done up until this point. I think that any person who holds the same philosophy all their lives is either a born genius or unable to consider new ideas and evolve. It’s incredibly important to try to incorporate what we learn into our daily lives, be willing to change our way of thinking as we meet different people and have new experiences.
Life is a pendulum, as much as it swings in one direction it swings just as far in the other. I now try not to view what happens as good and bad or black and white, everything is just part of life’s experience. I feel safer in the knowledge that nothing will ever be as bad as the devastation we have already been through. If it turns out I am wrong and something far worse happens, I feel safe in the knowledge that I have already gotten through experiences in life that I never thought I would be able to.
Sadly, we will never know what Caroline’s life could have been in this world. I believe we have our own lives to live, we both have a great deal to do and will be working together for many years to come, just from different worlds.
Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs was created by Abraham Maslow in 1954, even with an acceleration of awareness, advancement in psychology and increased technology. These are still at the very core of our needs as humans. After looking at each level of elevation I feel they fit with our body’s chakras and energy centres.
Understanding these will help us to navigate life’s challenges, manage how we react to situations of wellbeing and adversity.
Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs
Physiological – We have basic human needs. As our evolution has proved, we don’t generally live in harmony with the other living organisms on the planet. We do not fill our basic needs for survival without creating secure spaces to live. Having a regular supply of food and drink. We need to feel like we are safe and have a secure flow of food and water available.
Safety – Due to consciousness we need more than just no risk of danger to feel safe. Safety also covers security; we need to feel safe not just from the elements and other animal species on the planet. We also need to feel safe from our own species. Our safety extends beyond just our own personal safety but to that of the people close to us and our belongings.
Social – We need to feel accepted, again due to our level of self-awareness and understanding we have a need for friendship. This is partly due to our conscious mind not really understanding why we are here. Communication is a basic human need. Friendship and acceptance offer security in knowing we are not alone in our journey and reassurance confidence that communication leads to development of self.
Ego – As we develop skills and our knowledge base grows, we need to establish our place within our hierarchy of structure at home and within society. This is where the ego comes in, we value our worth of learning and time we have spent on certain aspects of development. Everyone sometimes needs a pat on the back to say they have done well.
Self-actualisation – Feeling a level of security within the lower aspects of the pyramid allows us the security, confidence, and focus. We then have an opportunity to look at how we can grow, improve, and evolve. Only when the other needs are considered and mostly taken care of do with have the freedom of thinking without distraction to focus on personal growth and self-realisation.
Many philosophies symbolically have ladders to climb or ways to find enlightenment through elevation. The 7 chakras are offer a good understanding of our body’s reaction to situations, our decision-making centres and how we can function in this world. The number seven features strongly in many aspects of life and development. Our chakras relate to each part of the pyramid. When we reach the top of the pyramid, we can look objectively at our life, reactions, and decision-making centres.
Our lower chakras function on the animal aspects of self (the lover this sections of the pyramid) when it comes to the heart chakra, we are looking at self-esteem as well as friendship groups. The throat chakra is communication where we can discuss with others and find our place in the world. Communication is also very linked with our development enabling the teach learn and learn teach philosophy.
This is when we can access our higher chakras. Start to ask the bigger questions, accessing other parts of ourselves (higher self, spirit, source connection or soul). Its where real learning and understanding comes from. At this point the chakras then are accessed in reverse. Taking the newly learnt higher knowledge and relating the information on more of a physical and grounded level. Once this is understood when we have elevated our whole understanding to a higher level.
Written by Richard Stuttle
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